Sorry I haven't been very active lately. I feel very different from the person who wrote most of these deviations. Although I'm not willing to delete them just because I'm getting help for many of the traits and situations that prompt me to write them, I feel I need to take a good long time to find a new writing style. And first it'll involve me reading some novels and pieces of authors I admire and gaining inspiration for writing again. But since I'm having a very busy year at uni with my free time to do that between splitting it up with hanging out with friends, visiting family, and being somewhat politically active, it's gonna be a while before I put pen to paper. I just feel totally blank in terms of creative writing. Also, I haven't been having as much feedback on my writings mainly because of the few tentative watchers I have, have moved on from dA or are taking time away from it as I have been. I'll need even more free time if I want to get involve in the dA community again and read other people's works and leave feedback, and hopefully get some feedback on mine. But life has definitely been exciting and I'm very grateful at how much it has improved. And how things I used to day dream about years ago are actually reality. I am just so puzzled at that. My expectations and reality rarely seem to match up completely, not in a bad way, but it has me questioning why I bother daydreaming about what I could be in the first place, when it's much more productive to slowly tinker away at myself with what I want to be in the near/immediate future. Life is quick, too quick sometimes. I'm struggling to get all I want done and out of it in time. It's tiring sometimes but it's the journey that counts right? Experiencing is fulfilling I find. I wish for everyone to have the freedoms to shape their world as much as I do and I wish for more freedoms! In particular from capitalist constructs that feed off our primal survival instincts. I want humanity to treat themesleves and their environment wisely, to meet their necessities, and pursue academic, artistic, technological limits. But we are so far away from just treating each other in the way we wish to be treated. We are so far away from putting our resources together and feeding/clothing/housing/educating millions of people properly. We are so far away from realizing how ridiculously possible it is to do so. I just find as a global society, we are just so inefficient and the frustration gets to me sometimes. But in the end, all I can strive for is to be able to say I tried, really tried and mean it, and do it without regretting too much.

Anyways, this entry turned out much longer than i expect it to be.